In Continuum.

Saturday Night Cuddle

I love my room.

I feel like i need an entry to honour my room,my great great room.It's not like i havent noticed it's greatness before,but because of a person who's been visiting - or bursting into - my room rather often as of late,i've been constantly reminded of just how wonderful - or hateful in a way - my room is.Allow me to give you some directions now.

You walk into the room and on your left is a wall.On your right is the computer table facing the windows right in front on the opposite wall.On each side of the monitor,two speakers and below the table a giant woofer.Above the computer is my rows of DVDs,and perpendicular to the table two CD towers of books i have read or have yet to be read over the years.Right in front of the computer table is a small sofa,and next to it a small coffee table with a yellow lamp on it,which kinda looks like an orange UFO.After that comes the bed,the comfortable bed with the fluffy blanket and pillow.The rest of the room need not be mentioned really,because i havent touched that aspect in terms of my customizing frenzy.But i will reach there soon enough,you will see.For now,i'd like to introduce the moods of my room.

Clarity.Warmth.Gloom and Mystery.Four emotions that my room have,with different lightings from the outside and the lights.Clarity,when the light at the ceiling is switched on and everything is lightened.Warmth,when the top light is off and the orange UFO is turned on,giving the room a yellow and almost comfortable,fuzzy feel.Gloom,when it is the day and the curtains are down.The light filters through the fabric and into the room,giving it a slight tint of grey and sadness,perhaps.Mystery,when all the lights are off and the shadows of the furnitures bouncing off one another into the night.

But there's been something missing all these years,something crucial and essential.Like everything else in everybody's life,something is always missing isnt there?This unknown feeling to things you already have in possession,this bad feeling you have that you are not exactly fulfilled,or satisfied no matter how much you've convinced yourself that you are.Something was indeed missing from my room,and i realised it only today,that it is the presence of a true,real,wonderful woman in my life,occupying what is left of the space on my bed,next to me in the warmth of the blanket,hand in hand and buried in her hair,smelling her and tasting her lips.The greatest bloody feeling in the world,and you thought wanking cures all heartbreaks,perverts!

We felt - or rather I felt - like a married couple today,as we leaned our backs against the back of the bed,with the blanket tucked to our chins and our toes tangled into one anothers',the dark room and the warm light filling up the dark corners and lightening up our faces,the glowing monitor reflecting off her large watery eyes as we watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,like a married couple cuddling on a Saturday night.

You know,it really was how i felt like.After a hard week's work at the office,or wherever i am working in this fantasized dream world of mine in the future,i come home with a neck ache and possibly a hungry stomach.There she will be in a her cute yellow apron,in the kitchen and smiling at me while she chops the head of a chicken off(I have no idea why,but i have a gut feeling that if that really happens,she is going to enjoy it immersely).That's dinner time,and at night we go into our room and change into something comfortable.After a great meal and a good drink we settle into each others' arms,with elbows in the appropriate places,and the title of the movie flashing across the screen of the monitor.The emotions of the both of us rises and falls with the characters' laughter and tears.We grip each others' hands close to our hearts,digging deep into the depression of each others' body and our heads comfortably the other person's shoulder.That is the image that i have in mine of the future,the future i hold with my wife.But that image,however,postponed itself to the present time,and there i was in front of the computer,in bed with the most wonderous woman ever.

I turned to her halfway through the movie,and told her that we were like a married couple then.She smiled,and held on to me tighter than usual.It felt great,to know that this is the weekend and that the end of the week is all around.It felt like we already detached ourselves from our family,that we are living happily on our own and minding only our own businesses.It's great to watch a movie together,and it is even greater to do that while in bed with her,cuddling and warming each other up.

I havent much to offer now my dearest.In fact,like the question i asked you this afternoon,i do not see the greatness in me that you truly admire.I have my doubts,as you do with yourself.But come to think about it,i dont think love really need to have a reason to exist.Do you need a reason to love you parents,to love your lover,to love your dog?Not really,not truly.It's good to have a reason,at least you dont get tongue tied when your friends ask you about him or her.But for me,i think it doesnt need a reason.Not at all.It is not as if you are trying to justify your feelings whatsoever,so why a reason to show others that you are liking her for a reason,if a reason exists at all?

Right now,all i can offer is my beautiful room,my arms and my words.I dont know what else,other than the already mentioned,i can offer to you as my appreciation on just how amazing you are as a person to me.I dont have a lot of money to get you a ring now,to tell you just how seemingly close we are to a married life,this amazing Saturday night in bed with you.I dont have that kind of money,not now.All i can say is that although you finger havent got a ring now,that we might have doubts about ourselves,and the importance of that in each others' hearts.But i guess,at the end of the day,it is not about the light that brightens up our rooms,but the colour of it that keeps us warm and comfortable,that really matters.Right?