Sick
Monday, January 30, 2006
Sick
Is it a tradition?For me to fall sick on Chinese New Years.I remember last year's Chinese New Year,the lot of us were so eager to book out from Tekong i swear if a stranger wandered onto the island he mightve thought Jessica Alba was tanning nude on the beach i swear.
But anyway,i got home and had my reunion dinner.Didnt feel too well afterwards and had my temperature checked.Get a hold of this,40.6 degrees.Yes,ladies and gentlemen,i was the human torch from Fantastic Four that day.I swear,i had the impression that i was going to suffer from Spontaneous Body Combustion,i was that hot.
That was last year,and this year my fever came a little late.Two days,to be precise.During lunch i had this empty feeling in my stomach,but it was not caused by hunger or whatever.It was like those...empty feeling?Like there was a void rolling around in your stomach,that kind of discomfort.I couldnt finish my lunch,and soon after i fell into a deep sleep,dreaming about myself and this unknown caucasian girl at this five star hotel,meeting Coldplay in their suite.Then they left,and soon afterwards a few indians budged in and said that the room belonged to them.
I woke up hugging my stomach in pain,and felt as if somebody tied a bag of sand to my head.I couldnt keep it up,and i knew at that instant that i had fever.Let's just say,i am pretty experienced when it comes to fever.I remember last year's BMT period,i dont remember a single day without my temperature soaring to a daunting 39 degrees.Oh well,guess the island didnt like me all that much.
So here i am now,running a low fever and my head feeling like crap.My back is killing me,and dont be surprised if halfway through this entry you see a string of gibberish.That might be because of my head slamming against the keyboard.
Speaking of being sick,i am sick not just physically but mentally for a lot of things as well.I bet this anger inside of me is some disease,that i contracted sometime between the present and enlistment.Sometimes i cant keep my temper down,which might have led to the angry posts below this one.I dont know,you can say it's some kind of emotional explosion of some sort,but im not like that in real life.Really.Im merely a book reading nerdball,who plays the guitar and enjoys good music.Im not going to rip at anybody's throat anytime soon.I hope.
Im sick of also,this expectation i set for myself.This problem of confidence,you know?Like,sometimes in life you encounter this...problem.This thing that stands in your way,an obstacle.You tell yourself,"This is nothing,peanuts.I can overcome this no problem",then just as you are about to walk over this obstacle you trip and fall,flat on your face.Ha.Ha,not funny.
That's what i have been experiencing,this self-incurred confidence problem.The standards i set for myself are sometimes so high,it is almost impossible to attain.I knew i could do it,a few days ago during live firing.I knew my detail could get marksmanship,i knew it.But i just couldnt do it,when sweat covered my eyes at night and everything became a blur.I just couldnt do it,and after the shoot i felt like shit.About myself.
Im sick,in every possible way i think.This disease is eating me up inside,something that i cannot control.You know how it is,when you think you can do something,when you are so sure you can attain it,then at the end of the day you find our you are simply,not good enough.That frustration,that irritating feeling.It's so frustrating.Just...pisses me off.
Of course,there are other things in mind.Things i dont necessarily want to talk about.You know how you hate yourself sometimes,when you become to grumpy?When you just cannot stop saying something,or complaining about something,the inner-self is begging for you to shut up.Oh well,just go download this song by John Mayer,it kind of says it all.
Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
Doesnt it piss you off
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be...
I'm swimming in a sea of faces
Trying to float my way to you
But it's no use
In a crowded room
Where everybody wants you...
"Back to You" by John Mayer.
Is it a tradition?For me to fall sick on Chinese New Years.I remember last year's Chinese New Year,the lot of us were so eager to book out from Tekong i swear if a stranger wandered onto the island he mightve thought Jessica Alba was tanning nude on the beach i swear.
But anyway,i got home and had my reunion dinner.Didnt feel too well afterwards and had my temperature checked.Get a hold of this,40.6 degrees.Yes,ladies and gentlemen,i was the human torch from Fantastic Four that day.I swear,i had the impression that i was going to suffer from Spontaneous Body Combustion,i was that hot.
That was last year,and this year my fever came a little late.Two days,to be precise.During lunch i had this empty feeling in my stomach,but it was not caused by hunger or whatever.It was like those...empty feeling?Like there was a void rolling around in your stomach,that kind of discomfort.I couldnt finish my lunch,and soon after i fell into a deep sleep,dreaming about myself and this unknown caucasian girl at this five star hotel,meeting Coldplay in their suite.Then they left,and soon afterwards a few indians budged in and said that the room belonged to them.
I woke up hugging my stomach in pain,and felt as if somebody tied a bag of sand to my head.I couldnt keep it up,and i knew at that instant that i had fever.Let's just say,i am pretty experienced when it comes to fever.I remember last year's BMT period,i dont remember a single day without my temperature soaring to a daunting 39 degrees.Oh well,guess the island didnt like me all that much.
So here i am now,running a low fever and my head feeling like crap.My back is killing me,and dont be surprised if halfway through this entry you see a string of gibberish.That might be because of my head slamming against the keyboard.
Speaking of being sick,i am sick not just physically but mentally for a lot of things as well.I bet this anger inside of me is some disease,that i contracted sometime between the present and enlistment.Sometimes i cant keep my temper down,which might have led to the angry posts below this one.I dont know,you can say it's some kind of emotional explosion of some sort,but im not like that in real life.Really.Im merely a book reading nerdball,who plays the guitar and enjoys good music.Im not going to rip at anybody's throat anytime soon.I hope.
Im sick of also,this expectation i set for myself.This problem of confidence,you know?Like,sometimes in life you encounter this...problem.This thing that stands in your way,an obstacle.You tell yourself,"This is nothing,peanuts.I can overcome this no problem",then just as you are about to walk over this obstacle you trip and fall,flat on your face.Ha.Ha,not funny.
That's what i have been experiencing,this self-incurred confidence problem.The standards i set for myself are sometimes so high,it is almost impossible to attain.I knew i could do it,a few days ago during live firing.I knew my detail could get marksmanship,i knew it.But i just couldnt do it,when sweat covered my eyes at night and everything became a blur.I just couldnt do it,and after the shoot i felt like shit.About myself.
Im sick,in every possible way i think.This disease is eating me up inside,something that i cannot control.You know how it is,when you think you can do something,when you are so sure you can attain it,then at the end of the day you find our you are simply,not good enough.That frustration,that irritating feeling.It's so frustrating.Just...pisses me off.
Of course,there are other things in mind.Things i dont necessarily want to talk about.You know how you hate yourself sometimes,when you become to grumpy?When you just cannot stop saying something,or complaining about something,the inner-self is begging for you to shut up.Oh well,just go download this song by John Mayer,it kind of says it all.
Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
Doesnt it piss you off
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be...
I'm swimming in a sea of faces
Trying to float my way to you
But it's no use
In a crowded room
Where everybody wants you...
"Back to You" by John Mayer.
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on Monday, January 30, 2006 at 10:48 PM.
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