In Continuum.

A Letter to an Invisible Friend


Have you seen lonely, do you know of him
Has he ever come in and grasped your heart
Draining from it, all the warmth it holds inside
Leaving you cold, empty, hurting and in despair

Filling you full of emotions, all acting at once
Each struggling with the other to be released
Then, one by one they begin to flow in spasms
You're so physically drained, you can not move

For days you lay, staring out a bedroom window
Not really looking, not really seeing, just gazing
Your eyelids heavy, start to slip and gently close
Loneliness unpacks and waits for you in silence

Dear Invisible Friend,

Hey,Invisible Friend.How are you doing?Sorry,i havent gotten around to giving you a name on my blog yet but,i guess as long as the both of us know then that is enough,right?It's not that your existence hasnt been an concern for me,it's just that recently it has grew in terms of priority over other matters in my life,especially those regarding your friends and Delta Foxtrot,etc.

First of all,J2 is not going to get any easier.As you get closer to Prelims,then the ultimate nightmare aka. The As,they are not going to let you off very easily.Work is going to pile,stress is going to build,and sooner than not you are going to find yourself under tonnes of self-incurred pain and stress,you suffocate yourself to the verge of death.

Italy is nice,in fact it is very nice.When you told me about your plans for Italy i almost erupted with jealousy especially when i myself,am on my way to some distant country soon: Babina,India.How exciting,huh?But anyway,Italy is really cool especially if you are representing your school and country to a competition overseas.However,i must remind you again if things are going over the top of your head and you cant surface,when you are sinking fast,get the oxygen mask floating nearby.Take a breath,take a break.We are like cars on a cable,and life is like a hour glass glued to the table,the sand will never flow backwards up the glass.This is life,and this is the path that we chose,and the life fate allows us to lead.You cant turn back time,but you can take a break in time.Give yourself a break,if you really can not take it anymore.Because really,when the tidal wave comes soon after your Italy trip,you'd need all the air you've got to survive it.

I dont know Delta Foxtrot,nor have i seen him before.To me,he always reminds me of Haley Joel Osment's character in Steven Spielberg's A.I:Artificial Intelligence.I know it's just the name,but i cant get the image out of my mind.Let's hope Delta Foxtrot is half as robotic,and twice as devoted as the real "David" in the movie to love,yeah?"

But anyway,like i told you,sometimes i dont think he is doing his job very well?Perhaps he did try to make you...not feel the way you are feeling now.Perhaps he did try to console you in certain matters,but i just dont see it being very effective to you.I very much hope that Delta Foxtrot can put in a greater effort,that he can make you feel secured despite the world being so cruel sometimes.That he is always there for you,making you feel comfortable.That's very important,in my opinion.Im sure he is a great boyfriend,but i hope you did not say the things you said about him just for the sake of it.All i have of you,as a mental picture,is the one with you smiling with your choir friends.It's hard to picture you with a black face,but i hope Delta Foxtrot can make that go away and make my mental picture come true again.

And as for your problem,well i had a friend who had a...somewhat similar problem two years ago.I actually blogged about it,and i find it pretty interesting that you guys actually share similar situations?Oh well,here are some of the quotes from that old old blog entry of mine from way back.

"...Lonliness,its like a disease.It strikes,when you are least aware of it.It strikes when you are at the rock bottom of life.It strikes,where it hurts the most.However,unlike diseases,it happens without much reasons behind it.Sometimes,a mere sight of a couple sitting at the side of the river,might just trigger that little lonliness button deep within.Perhaps,jealousy as well.When you see one of your friend sitting together with his or her friends,talking and laughing.You feel lonely.You ask yourself why you are not treated the same way as him or her.Late at night,alone in your room,with your thoughts bouncing off the four walls,you start to wonder why you are all alone,lonely.Though you do have friends,though you do have people to talk to.However,when you are at need,when you need someone to talk to you most,those calls to your friends are often,engaged.Then when you hang up your phone,you go down the list of friends you have in your mind,wonder who you can call next.But your list goes out,its blank and empty after the last name.You start to feel cold,you feel the night is long.Too long.You start to cry.Yes,I understand how you feel..."

"...She mentioned about how she sees people in school,hanging around with their own group of friends,enjoying the accompany of the people in their little social circle.How she felt when she sees that they have a wall to lay on when all else takes the worst turn.How they have friends,who would listen to their woes,who would lend them a shoulder,or perhaps a pat on the shoulder..."

"...I live in Taiwan,and Earthquakes happen once in a while for me.My mother always told me to grab whichever pillow or blanket i can find and just cover my head with it,in case the roof collapses.Whichever pillow is mine,not necessarily my own.(My drool covered pillow,that is.)Who cares who's there when you feel lonely?Just grab someone,anyone,and tell him/her that you need to talk to someone..."

"...Why have your tears hit the cold hard floor when it can dry up on somebody's shirt?Just my two cent's worth.Just a thought of mine.Cheer up..."

Wish you all the best,my invisible friend.

Yours Truly,
Me.