In Continuum.

The Ex Files

The name "Imgoen" was stolen from me,and now is the name of Corinna's bloody laptop.Net she is going to name her iRiver "Josephine".Great.And as a revenge,i am going to name a file in my computer after hers,"The Ex Files".And just about a little more than four minutes ago i created one of my own,after what she did with her own Ex-files.

I didnt know what to do with the photographs she sent me long.She,refering not to Corinna of course.The way they are taking up my computer's space is one thing,but the sight of them whenever i open "My Recieved Files" can be...well,heart wrenching.As much as i love to be reminded of the past,i hate the way they always remind you of the happy times that you guys actually had.Had,being the emphasis here.

They are like soldiers that went to war and died on the battle fields,these photographs.Sending your husband,your son to war back in the days,not seeing them for years and years.One day you get a letter from the military,informing you of their deaths on the battle field.Your husband died during Normandy,while your son was shot down from the sky while he was in the 101th Airborne.What remains,what really remains of them are the photograph,the ones with them smiling,laughing,happy.Then your memory remains then,right at that moment when those pictures were taken.However happy they were,it's always painful to see them,to be reminded.

I moved all her pictures,all the things she ever sent me of herself,or anything related to her into this file called "The Ex File".She is hardly my "Ex",but i simply liked the sound of it i guess.Sort of like a file you should never touch,and be left in this corner of space,forever and forgotten.

How theraputic was it,to see "My Pictures" and "My Recieved Files" rid of her.It's like that breath of fresh air in the winter morning,that crisp smell in the air,as the wind brings a salty taste from the sea after a long humid summer.It's refreshing,but i wonder if what i did is going to take a toll on me in any way.I dont know,the future and the way things work.

Doesnt it seem in a way,like i am this coward afraid to face the future,or the past?By moving these files into this folder,not having the courage to just delete them the way i did with her contact.It's just too difficult for me,to move my index over the delete button and just,erase things like that.I dont want to,in a way,write her off like that,the way she wrote me off,though in a way i clearly did.Why dont i have the courage to do it,wouldnt that make me feel a hell lot better afterwards,by deleting them off?

She never saw it,she clearly never did.I figured out a reason why i never had the courage to delete them.Because people dont disappear like that,people dont die out,be written off like that.People stay,even as images in your head,however blurry they seem.They are always there,living,no matter what you do with them in real life.

I wonder what she did with my photographs,the stuff i sent over to her.Do you think she has her own Ex Files as well,or did my photographs flow down her Recycle Bin alongside...well,everything i ever did send her?You'd like,you'd love to know,in a way that she is also in this state as you are.Nostalgic,thinking of how lovely and wonderful those days were,even if it was her who made the decision to let it all go.You wish,that both of you are sentimental in a way,both feeling the same.But let's grow out of this childish thoughts,these naive ideas.Those days are gone,and she is probably living her life well,her life without you.She is probably having a way better time than before,not having the need to think about you,and what might possibly go through your mind.

In that way,that morbid thought in your head,at least you sleep better at night.I sleep better at night,if i ever get to sleep at all,ever again.