In Continuum.

In Exchange

Continued from the previous post "Selective Amnesia"...

I admit.Picking five memories out of the memories that i've had over the twenty years is TOUGH.I cant believe i actually posted that kind of question to myself.It's one of those questions isnt it?If you are marooned on an island,pick five items you'd want to have with you.Or five items to take out of a burning house,something like that.I dont think anybody could have picked five items,and then be contented with those and not feel any regrets towards everything else that they left behind.I cant possibly pick five items from my burning bedroom,or to bring to a deserted island.As difficult as those decisions are,i cant pick five memories to keep with me as Death chases after me through the Memory Room.I cant,i just cant...But let's try to picture it,let's try to imagine.

The Third Memory

Let's see what i have covered.I have covered NS,with in turn includes the friends that i have made during my NS days.I have the Orange Hill,which covers my childhood innocence and my family.So i guess i have to pay tribute - in a way - to the friends i have made from school life.But which aspect of school life,i might as myself.What a tough decision it is for me,and you cant imagine what kind of thinking process i went through before typing out this paragraph.I literally tore my hair out a few minutes ago brainstorming,so for those batch of friends left out from the following paragraphs,do forgive me.

It might come as a surprise,but i'd have to say that the friends i made in JC are the ones i'd like to keep.I know,for a long time i have complained about just how excruciating my JC life was.But i guess i have to defend that part of my life right now,to stand in the witness stand and defend the defendent: Junior College.

As much as i hated to rigorous lifestyle of it,with tutorialsa fter tutorials,tests after tests and exams after exams,i liked the way people interacted with one another.In Secondary School it was the class,and only the class.Sure you might have a CCA or two,if you are a lunatic back in those days,but personally i never felt a sense of belonging.Not that i felt that in JC,but at least i felt i belonged to the Guitar Club,that there was somewhere other than my home where i could lose my mind,forget my worries and laugh aloud with friends,so careless and reckless.

I told my friends before,that the aspect of school life i hated really was the exams,and how much emphasis people placed on the grades,as i have mentioned before.I liked the friends i made there,and they were radically different from the ones i made in Secondary School days,the blissful carefree days.In JC,the kind of friends i made were able to sit down with me at a table and talk.Like,really talk about anything in the world.The friends i made in Secondary School were different in the sense that,they were fun to be around with sure.We played basketball during recess,snuck into abandoned school building next to our school and into cemeteries.We did a lot of those,but those were very superficial and cheap thrills come to think about it.The friends that i made in JC,the ones that followed me through the course of my life,are the kind of friends who are capable of doing all those with me and so much more.The emotional attachments that i have with them is priceless,not something i'd exchange anything in my life for - let alone memories.

So right here,i'd like to thank the presence of these friends from my JC life,that made it so much more bearable and memorable,to have stuck around even after the As through my NS days until now.Samantha,you've been my inspiration in class,and i know you are never going to claim credit to that.But you are,and your talent and passion in music is and was contagious.Valerie,i've never expected a platonic relationship to develop in such a magical way.Your interests in JM and other aspects,you reminded me of me in class truly,and i am glad we connected with each other,and was able to remain on the same frequency throughout the course of our two years together in the same class.Ahmad,you bastard.I still think you are gay,but you are my best male mate like ever.Those private jamming sessions we had and are still having,greatest times of my life dude.Corinna,my favourite everything in life.You are the actualization of the idea of laughing and crying with somebody.You are the reason why i hated everything in JC with a smile.Also thanks to the Guitar Club and my class...thanks.

You guys are are the memories i'm willing to keep with me when i wake up.

The Fourth & Last Memories

Recap.Now,we've covered my friends,my family,my childhood innocence.What else do i need to keep,for that two memories left?Let's face it,i am not being modest here,but if i have a choice i will reduce the number to four memories instead of just five.But five is a great number,and i dont really like the numbers four or six,so let's stick with that for a while.

*

Death is coming,he is catching up.I am in bed,and at the same time i am running through my memories,carrying myself with a bag full of the memories i chose,in small tiny capsules.Death is a man in a black suit and a black tie,with his hair neatly combed and tended to.He doesnt have a large hood,nor boney fingers or a sickle.He just comes after you with that face and that look.He comes to you,and he reaches into your chest to squeeze that heart of yours until you suffocate from the lack of breath...pain and desperation.

Two more memories,two more memories.What are they going to be?What are they?Vanessa is urging me,Vanessa pulls my hand along the way,while Death chased after us with his nonchalant pace.But we were running,quickly out of breath.'You have to pick the last two memories!You have to pick now!'

I have to pick now...I have to pick...now.

I stopped in my tracks.Vanessa still running forward.Death approached,walking briskly and calmly,like a gentleman coming through two large doors at a party,slick and almost luscrious.He smiled,and looked down at me with his eyes,bearing through mine with intimidation,with impending death.

'Look,' i managed to blurt out.'Let's make a deal.'

'Death does not not know deals.'

'Oh yes,you do.We can be rational about this.'

'No.'

'Yes,listen.I dont care about the last two memories.In exchange for just one memory,i will let go of the last one,and my life.Just as long as i get to keep the memories that i have chosen to my grave.How is that?How's that for a fair trade?It is a win-win situation.'

'What is this?' Death asked. 'Dont you want your life?It is right in front of you.'

'Not as much as this.' i said. 'Not as much as this...'

*

If i have a choice,i will exchange the next two memories for just one more.I dont think there is a rule that the genie must grant three wishes,instead of just one right?It is completely up to the user of the lamp to choose how many wishes he wants to make.And of course,we being humans,we'd want to make the most out of the magical lamp and finish all the three options.Why not,right?It is the chance of a lifetime,it is understandable.It is not greed,so what's wrong?

I am willing to trade the last two memories,even if it means that Death is going to catch up with me finally.I'm sorry Vanessa,but if it really has to come down to it,i'd rather not pick any memories that ive had and be done with it.I have too many memories that i want to keep,i have too many people i hold dearly in life.To tell you the truth,i'd rather die than to know that i am going to wake up,and forget all the people that has ever helped me,loved me and cared about me one way or another.I know,i tried to cover every aspect of my life,but what good is it if you are going to forget and be ungrateful to the ones out there,who went all out to pick you up when you are at your life's lowest?It's such a horrible thought,and i hate to leave those poor people behind.

In exchange,i'd like to have these memories.Strictly speaking,they are one big memory,arent they?They occured with the same person,the only person in my life right now i'd like to keep forever.She is different from my parents,for i know one day they will be gone.I can picture it,and imagine it happening.But not her,not her.No preparations can be made for her death,for her departure of any kind.I cannot imagine the day when that comes,which only proves just how important she is to me.I am willing to trade my life to keep the memories that i ever had with her,this one big beautiful memory in life.

These are the memories i'd like to keep with me.These are the memories that,if i dont wake up with them,i'd like to die with.Give me ten minutes - no - one minute,with her by my side and for me to wake up to tell her one last time,if i ever come to that stage - just once...

*

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories





Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one





I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories





I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard





But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories





I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light





And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories





*

'44 Days is enough?There could be more,if you choose to wake up.'

'Even if it is one day with her i bring to my grave,it is enough...'

It is enough.

*

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories